Weightlifting or powerlifting is a sport that pits a person against themselves. These Herculean men and women are always trying to lift more weight than humanly possible and they’re willing to push their bodies to the breaking point. To those who aspire to be like these mighty weightlifting folks I’d like to offer some advice.

Remember to breathe when weightlifting!
Oxygen does the body good so my first piece of advice for all you aspiring backyard weightlifters is to breathe. Breathe unless of course you like instantaneous power naps while holding heavy things or if you want to practice having seizures.

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Here’s a tip for powerlifting. Empty your bowels before the competition, not during it. You know you’re lifting too much weight when your anus quivers like a frightened squirrel and spontaneously auditions for a 2 girls, one cup sequel. And if you do shit on stage while lifting weights, don’t rub your feet in it. That only makes things worse because now your shoes smell and look like you stole them from a hobo living in a dog park.

Always have a spotter when weightlifting. Never ever lift heavy weights alone unless dying by yourself is the last thing on your bucket list. Ever wonder what being crushed by stupidity sounds like? Here, have a listen.

Always use a spotter when weightlifting. No sense having someone around to witness your greatness if you don’t get them to stop all that weight from crushing your over confident body or giving yourself a 400 pound headache.

Get a good weightlifting spotter! Having a spotter when lifting weights is important, but there’s not much sense if the spotters aren’t able to actually help. Make sure they aren’t a couple of spooked bunny rabbits with the reflexes of a walnut. Get a couple guys who won’t let you get squished like ball of play-dough at the funny farm.

Humans do not make good weights. Weights are used for powerlifting and humans are used to lift those weights. Clearly this girl’s eyes are bigger than her arms. I face the same problem at holidays. I load up my plate with food and I can’t finish what I started. Know your limit and stay within it.

A clear indicator that you might not be healthy enough for powerlifting is walking to the bar like Frankenstein. Make sure your body works before attempting to lift weights. Bravo to this guy for trying but he’s wrapped up like a burn victim and is anyone really surprised this combination of heavy weights and a broken old man didn’t end in a giant victory?

Eat light before powerlifting. Lifting heavy weights sure can do a number on your body. We already saw someone shit themselves but don’t forget the body has another awesome exit – the mouth. Having a belly full of food and a super tight support belt is a recipe for vomit. And if you are thinking about watching some power lifting, keep this video in mind and avoid the first few rows unless you want a free hot breakfast.

Boulders belong on mountains and not in the hands of power lifters. Yeah I said it and this guy’s leg agrees with me.

Okay, here’s some fair warning. If you are a little spooked by broken arms then I suggest you stop the video and go watch something else because we’re about to see some people give themselves an extra elbow.

Eat calcium rich food. Milk does the body good and unless you want to hear snap crackle pop outside of the breakfast nook then I suggest you do everything possible to make strong bones. Have an extra glass of milk if you’re going to become a powerlifter because breaking an arm while weightlifting sounds like this.

Thanks for checking out this video for weightlifting and powerlifting advice. Please feel free to rant and rave in the comment section below. Don’t forget to subscribe to stay up to date on all our 10 favorite things.
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37 COMMENTS

  1. The one where you think the girl shat on the floor- its actually pretty common and is urine. Something about the way the female anatomy works is when they are in a heavy squat they can spray that out. As a male I can say ill rip a fart I had no idea was in there in a heavy deadlift 😀 Bodies are weird.

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